And on the seventh day

It's been a long week. The ex and I work together, and our office is a big old house near downtown. Spending eight to nine hours every day in the same house as someone you never want to see again, while trying to do your job well and stay focused, well, it ain't the easiest thing in the world.

I should be able to work from home soon, however, so that'll be a nice luxury to take advantage of every once in a while.

Sorry for those of you I've rainchecked plans with in the last couple days. I'm just worn out. Tonight it's chinese take out, a hot bath, and a book.

Turned Inside Out

Today has been the most fucked-up, shocking, heartbreaking, absurd, and terrible day I may have ever had. The person I love most in the world used all my insecurities, weaknesses, and personal issues to wound me as best he could. Like telling an anorexic person they look fat. He went for the jugular. He refused to give me back the key to my house, so I had to leave work and change my locks. I spent the day in a baffled "WTF?!" mood, stunned and in disbelief that this was happening.

Now, I'm just hurt beyond words.

It's Fuck This Shit O'clock

I can't bring myself to work any more today.

With each passing day, week, month, and year, I tell myself that I need to get back in school. I need to jump paths to a career that I want, not one that I happened to have stumbled into ten years ago and have been doing ever since. The thought of doing accounting five days a week for the next forty or so years makes me shrivel up and die inside.

Problem is, I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up. My passions and dreams just aren't feasible. I'm not smart enough to be an astrophysicist, sadly. I don't know if I can devote eight or more years to school so that I can teach at a university. The only one that might be within reach is a photographer. I don't need to be famous or have my pictures hanging in art galleries (though that would be nice). I'd be happy just so long as I'm behind my camera lens, whether I'm taking pictures for a newspaper or at a wedding. Problem with that is, there is no shortage of talented photographers in Columbia, and with digital photography becoming accessible to just about anyone, it's a lot easier to be a good photographer than it was when everything was manual.

That said, I've never taken a photography class. I've just been told I have natural talent and an eye for composition. I'd like to see what I'm capable of when I actually know what I'm doing.

In the meantime, I've ordered some course catalogs from local universities. Because this:

cannot be my life for the next four decades. I won't survive the tedium.

Destination: Porch

It was such a long, intense week. I got five hours of sleep between Sunday and Friday, and all the stuff that happened in between is now like a series of blurry photographs. You can make out smiles in most of them though.

I have been granted a weekend of perfect hammock swing weather, and by god I am going to take nature up on her offer.

Hoping Joe comes over with his selection of French 60's pop rock to lay down the soundtrack.